The pep that was in my step at 9am this morning is slowing. My back is aching and my feet are sore and my head is spinning. I cleaned and scrubbed every nook and cranny of this place, and washed everything I own plus that of the children, I’m folding and sorting and organizing suitcases now. My nerves cause me to clean, and I’m not a clean person, but when my nerves get the best of me I scrub like flippin Mr. Clean. My hormones are off the charts this week, the pms crankypants and snap my fingers and I can cry on cue  thing on top of the fact I am going to finally meet “him” that I will finally be face to face,with the one person [besides that of my best friend] who has been there for me, who gets how I am and how I’m programmed, who understands how I will react to things and accepts me. Who doesn’t care about my chubby gut or my messy hair, who doesn’t care of the bags and bags and bags of baggage that I carry with me day in and day out, and i’m putting this pressure on myself, to be 110% ,all I can be for this person who does so much for me,I just want to be able to give that in return. I feel I’ve created this entirely unnecessary bar to reach in order to be accepted by him and this bar, my reaching it, will determine if he regrets bringing me there or not. Now sitting here with a logical brain thinking and knowing that none of that matters to him that he is just happy to finally see me, but I cant stop myself from feeling the way I do :/ I’m terrified but so excited all at the same time, its an overwhelming dose of feelings to have sitting dormant all at once. So I clean, and I watch clock, and I clean, and I watch the clock, and I wait and eventually Ill calm down and all this BS worry will be worth it :) but until then I wait….and I clean…..and I watch the clock.

(Source: screamcute)

<3 

(Source: screamcute)

weerddd

(Source: ohsnapitzwill)

(Source: llyhope)

(Source: itssohardsofar)